After my initial impression of Bali on arrival in Ubud the other night, things picked up a bit yesterday. Mostly, I think, because we rented a motorcycle from the very cool Tari, who I tend to call our cool motorcycle chickie because I struggle to roll my R’s. I am certain Tari wouldn’t mind this nickname.

Our own mighty Honda CB500X is parked at our condo in Kanchanaburi because one of the few things it can’t do is drive over water. I’m sure the folks over at Honda will get on that when they see this post.

Our rental bike is the mighty Honda CB150X. Because a 150 is all you need here, and you’ll never need more than 3rd gear. Ever.

I have to admit that I’m not all that stoked about Bali. It’s okay. But it’s definitely Vacationland, which isn’t really my jam. (More on this later.) But the motorcycle helps. Of course it does. Because motorcycle. Also, freedom. And, somehow . . . America? Maybe.

Point is, if you have a motorcycle in Bali, you can eventually get out of Ubud and over to a gorgeous, gorgeous, sparkling black sand beach with spectacularly blue water where you can spot at least one extremely fit and blonde tourist wearing, well, not much, and working on her tan.

Then you can go to a gorgeous, gorgeous, waterfall where they don’t even mind if you take your bottle of beer out onto the rocks while you enjoy the view of the fit and blonde and mostly naked tourists working on their tans, except of course for the brunette in the photo whose tan has already been worked to perfection, frankly.

And, yes, I too decided that I’d get in a little tanning practice while in Bali. That’s me in the photo pretending to look at the gorgeous, gorgeous, waterfall. Because if we’re gonna be in Bali for any length of time, it’s clear to me that I need to be much fitter and much, much tanner. And richer. Cuz Bali’s not as inexpensive as you might be led to believe.

I’m also probably gonna need more tattoos. Not so I can blend in with the local Balinese, which I’m not sure there are any local Balinese, to be honest. But because after spending so much time in Vietnam and Thailand and seeing all these straight-up gangstas with their gangsta-ass tattoos, I started to realize my tattoo game is pretty weak. So I better get some new ink if I want to ever be taken seriously as a Thai or Vietnamese gangsta.

My original plan was to get a new tattoo in every country we visit. Hammer and sickle for Vietnam, obviously. I’m not sure what I’ll get for Thailand – I’ll need some advice from Wassana on that. But I’m thinking for Bali I’ll get the geographical coordinates of the tattoo shop in Bali where I get the tattoo. I think this will be extra meaningful.

Vacationland. It’s okay. Today we’re off on the bike to drive through some gorgeous, gorgeous, countryside to see the rice terraces before heading back to Ubud where we will no doubt hemorrhage some more money at dinner while surrounded by deeply tanned tourists in belly shirts. The service will be impeccable.